I'm 29! 29 Things I've Learned & Observed So Far

Awhile ago, I wrote about the lessons this year has taught me. As I entered my 30^th year of life on Sunday, June 9th, it felt right to think about and share some of the stuff I’ve learned in life so far, in no particular order. These are probs nothing groundbreaking to most people. Many are ideas I’d known intellectually, but only recently have learned practically – jeez Louise, what a difference it is between the two.

1. My most important relationship is with myself. I can’t make the most of any of my other relationships unless I’m happy with me. This especially involves paying attention to my intuition, which until recently I wasn’t all that good at doing.
2. Spending a lot of time, either in my work or in my personal life, trying to figure out what people think is ‘cool’ and how to project ‘coolness’ is a great way to be super unhappy. To quote Devo (oh hey, Mom & Dad), I’m through being cool.
3. Pursuing my own very specific, weird little interests without regard for how others may perceive me is a great way to be super happy.
4. When I’m happy, as I am extremely so these days, I feel awesomely young and alive. I recently talked to a 50 year-old man who told me he still felt 19 inside – that’s what I’m shooting for.
5. It is uncanny how many wonderful things can enter my life once I’ve made the room to let them. 
6. The lesson that we aren’t in control of much of anything is one I must be vigilant about continually re-learning. It’s an easy enough concept to grasp intellectually, but not as easy to be confronted with in real life. During stretches when I ‘get’ it, I feel much lighter and freer about life in general.
7. I have a love/hate relationship with technology and social media. While they enable me to do things like, say, write and share this post, in general, I think both encourage spending a lot of time focusing on external perceptions, usually at the expense of looking inward.
8. It’s much, much easier for me to be the truest and best me when I avoid toxic and negative people and situations (when within my control).
9. Running marathons is less about the training and more about attitude. I’m no speed demon by any stretch of the imagination, but this year, I ran my best marathon because I was just so happy to be running it. Before the race started, I decided I was just going to enjoy it rather than fretting over a time goal. I never dreamed I’d be smiling uncontrollably the entire time and speeding up all the way to a dead sprint down the finish chute. Incidentally, I got my best time ever – not impressive by the world’s standards, but felt freakin' good by my own. I look forward to seeing what I can do when I train more than twice a week.
10. My best understanding of death so far (courtesy of J.R.R. Tolkien): “End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it: white shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise."
11. My best understanding of life so far (also courtesy of J.R.R. Tolkien): Frodo: “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.” Gandalf: “So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”
12. My best understanding of how to approach my career:
    -“What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Here is the key to your earthly pursuits.” — Carl Jung
    -This speech by Alan Watts. It's been instrumental in the major changes I’ve made this year. I return to it often as a reminder.
13. I love color. At my core, I’m just not one of those aloof, all-black wearing New Yorkers, and I never will be.
14. There are few things more exciting to me than being around someone who is unabashedly passionate about his/her interests, whatever they may be.
15. I wish more people were open about seeking out therapy when life gets tough. I am more grateful than I can really properly express for Leslye Noyes, the woman with whom I’ve spent the past few years sorting out some tough stuff. She is a fantastic therapist who has been my mirror for personal reflection. She's been one of my greatest teachers.
16. Being vulnerable can be one of the toughest but most rewarding things.
17. Kindness and understanding are absolutely the most disarming things in the world. It’s harder but much better to expend the emotional energy and time to genuinely put myself in someone else’s shoes, especially someone who’s been rude, hurtful, or otherwise negative. I feel so much better when I remind myself that everyone is fighting a hard battle. More often than not, acknowledging that someone must be having a hard day or a rough time makes any conflict or negativity dissipate. Interestingly, this works with myself, too: when I find myself irritable and make a point of acknowledging it and trying to understand how I got there, I’m usually able to easily let it go.
18. Often, people who achieve dizzying heights of material success and fame aren’t very happy or nice people.  Many of these folks also spend a lot of time trying to convince other people of their worth or coolness (see #2).
19. Shout out to Albus Dumbledore: eventually, we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy. I’ve done it both ways, and so far, only one has made me happy.
20. To borrow from It Still Moves, “All great {American} music comes from the South.” Sorry, but it’s true. Sorry, I’m not sorry.
21. The hardest part of change is acknowledging the loss of what I’ve gotten used to and just starting the new thing. Doesn’t matter whether I’m switching to a new, non-toxic shampoo or making a major life change. We’re so very adaptable, and pretty quickly get used to the new way of doing things. It isn’t worth clinging to a favorite product that happens to be unhealthy or a personal relationship that no longer works just to avoid experiencing that moment of loss and unfamiliarity. The reward far outweighs the momentary discomfort.
22. Parents can be fairly frustrating, but it’s worth listening to them. They really do know a shit ton. Of course, I usually (quite stubbornly) have had to learn things on my own.
23. I am my own biggest obstacle. Self-limiting thinking has been responsible for pretty much every instance of keeping me from doing something I'd like to do.
24. I believe absolutely that we have a basic human need to create things. We used to have to do it just to survive; just because now we don’t doesn’t mean we don’t need to satisfy that desire. I find it’s a lot easier for me to be happy when I get to make things every now and then, even though I don’t have to. There is something sacred about the handmade.
25. When something, doesn’t matter what it is, is the right thing, my intuition will tell me so. If it doesn’t, it’s not.
26. In this country, the best way to support what you believe is with your wallet. It's worth it to me to pay a fair, not falsely cheap, price for healthy, untainted food grown by people who care about closing the loop as much as possible vs. corporations perpetuating an unsustainable, completely linear monoculture. Sadly, this concept used to just be known as ‘agriculture.’
27. Actions really do speak louder than words.
28. Poop jokes are always funny.
29. Love is the thing.

Comments

[Cathy Soud]

I am still working on most of these and more! Guess we never really stop!

Mom

[Molly]

A great list. Wishing you a very happy 30th year!!

[Natalie Soud]

Thanks, Molls!

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