Back in Blogland: Change Is Good!

CHANGE. It’s hard for most people, and historically, it’s been especially hard for me.

But it’s also the only way we move forward, and I’m slowly learning that good things do often follow that nervous, unsettled, what’s-going-to-happen-next feeling. The reassurance I’ve gotten in the past few months about the benefits of really going for something and putting yourself in a scary new place has shown me it’s worth taking risks to ultimately (hopefully) find yourself with a better life – one that’s exactly what you envision in your dreams.

The beginning of 2013 felt a little like the universe snatched all the balls I was juggling and threw them up in the air. Our family learned we were again facing blood cancer, a long-term relationship was in a state of upheaval, and I found myself in a very, very unhappy place with the circumstances of my day-to-day life. I felt completely stuck in both my personal life and my professional life; I realized I was spending many, many hours in a job that wasn’t making me happy. Without a lot of the fulfillment I’d depended on in my personal life, I realized I was no longer okay with my level of satisfaction at my job. I learned more than I can say from this position, met wonderful people and made great friends, but it was simply time to let it go.

I also realized I’d gotten very out of touch with myself, and as a result, out of touch with my most important relationships. I learned the hard way that you can’t connect with and be present with others if you aren’t even connected and present with yourself. I’m grateful to the person who showed me this, despite the unpleasant circumstances of learning that much-needed lesson.

Without the act of juggling to focus on, I was forced to stand still and ask myself, “Now what?”

My answers came in the form of more change, but change that I was in charge of. I left my job with the plan of exploring what makes me happy: namely, being creative and making things. I spent several weeks at home with my family. I came back to NYC feeling not all that excited to be back and unsure of how long I’d stay; the sunshine, lower-key lifestyle, and space in my hometown are certainly hugely appealing. But the more I thought about the idea that things hadn’t really unfolded for me here, I realized I’d never put myself in a position to let them. I always told myself I probably could never create my own life just the way I wanted it; my excuses were various and the limitations I pointed to were many. In reality, I was just getting in my own way. My own voice was the one stopping me.

It has been nothing short of astounding to see the ways in which my life is becoming much fuller of the things I enjoy, simply because I made the space for those things to enter. In the short time I’ve been back in New York, I was given my first freelance opportunity – helping my friend Brett Bara execute Brooklyn Craft Camp, which were two of the happiest days I’ve had in as long as I can remember. Helping create a happy place in which people spent all day, well, creating - it was nirvana.

I have met with wonderful people to discuss working together, visited some friends' beautiful stationery studio, reconnected with dear friends and have been embraced by acquaintances I’d only briefly crossed paths with in the past. Suddenly, the world is feeling very small, almost like my own little friendly neighborhood. Interestingly, this is an experience I've never had in NYC. Things feel suddenly abundant.

In an ideal world, I’d be able to split my time between here and my hometown. And what’s to stop me from creating my ideal life? There is simply no reason good enough to not try to have everything you want.

This speech (I first heard it on the ever-inspiring Brainpickings blog), a meditation on the question “What would you do if money was no object?” is one I’m using this time to answer.

I’m so glad to be back in blogging action, and I hope you’ll keep coming back for more. I hope I can better share who I am, what inspires me, and how I'm navigating this new journey.

LOVE!
Nat